My girlfriend is 11 years older than me and I’m not sure if she’s truly attracted to me or just asking me to be patient

I’m in a relationship with a woman who is 11 years older than me. I know the age gap is a big factor, but I’m trying to understand the emotional side of this relationship.

Before me, she had an ex. From what I know, she fell for him pretty easily, they used to talk a lot, go out, and sometimes when she talked about him, it sounded like there were strong feelings there. Their relationship ended because he wanted sex and she didn’t want that. She was the one who broke up with him, and even when he cried, she didn’t go back.

With me, it feels very different. I had to put in years of effort for her to accept me as her boyfriend. Even now, she doesn’t really initiate much, doesn’t seem that excited to go out, and I often feel like I’m the one carrying the emotional weight.

Another thing that bothers me is that I’m not even sure if she is attracted to me. Whenever I bring this up, she tells me to have patience, that things will grow and get better over time. But I don’t know if that means attraction is slowly developing, or if I’m waiting for something that may never naturally exist.

I’m not saying she still loves her ex. I’m just confused because attraction and effort seemed to come naturally with him, but with me everything feels like it had to be earned slowly.

Is this just because every relationship grows differently, or is it a sign that I’m forcing something that may not naturally be there? How do you know the difference between “be patient, feelings are growing” and “this person may never truly want you that way”?