Should/how do I cheat back?

Ive posted the whole history I’m referring to here: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/o1RN6Bpkdj

So Ive concluded that cheating back is my best option at this point, and it’s becoming easier to fathom. Until now, I’ve only started conversations with women; convos that became deep threads, others that got spicy very quickly.

Regardless, I’ve never been able to go farther than that. Whether the talks lead to date talk or a ONS offer, I can never take them up. I actually haven’t ever responded… I ghost them and start over with a new person.

This feels pathetic and toxic, and it’s not helping very much. It just serves to remind me that:

1. I wouldn’t have to stop if I’d go ahead and leave her
2. Im still being so much better than she deserves, and
3. Im being awful to innocent people.

So I think I need to pull the band-aid off. In a weird way, I think I’m hoping that cheating will make it easier to leave her. I’ve never been with anyone else physically (or emotionally either, if you think about it but I digress), so I sometimes feel like she has a hold on me. Like “being with someone else” might help me rationalize actually being with someone else.

Any thoughts? What am I doing wrong/right? Should I be using dating apps, or actually “get out there” (whatever that means when you’re still married navigating infidelity). Open to all advice.