Does anyone ever feel like they don’t even know how a conflict started?

It’s like I don’t even remember why I got so upset, but now I’m so worked up and my boyfriend is so masterful at blame shifting, gaslighting, stonewalling, that I’m now more overwhelmed and angry and upset at myself for begging him to hear me that I don’t even know why I was upset in the first place. Was I even upset? Was it even worth this? Am I the problem? Is this the cycle they want to trap us in? Please let me know if you have experienced this feeling, too. I know overall the relationship is not healthy and the “what” and “why” of it all doesn’t really matter, that it doesn’t even matter if it’s “emotional abuse” or just a really immature guy or even if I am actually the problem, it’s still not an environment worth being in. But I can’t help but ask, I’m grasping at straws to ground myself