it’s too late now

Ever just feel like you’ve given up most of your life for someone? The cries, the hurt , the begging , the endless amounts of forgiveness and still no change. You hold on because you feel like you deserve to suffer like that.

I mean sure they have good qualities about them but the constant betrayal made it impossible to believe them anymore. You gave them so much of your soul and your love you couldn’t recognize what was love anymore.

You know how many apologies I’ve heard? So many j could write a novel based on just that.

I wanted it to be you from the beginning I saw past the darkness you carried, I forgave the lies that ended me in so many ways I lost sight of myself.

I used to fantasize about love. I used to dream and adore the kind of love I saw on movie screens or in books. Unfortunately I experienced it all wrong and it broke that belief inside of me.

Yes I do care and love you but knowing how many times you hurt me and made me cry.. I just got numb towards the end.

I met someone by accident or coincidence I don’t even remember. It was just a mutual friendship but the moment I was finally seen for me and taken the time to be listened to , it gave me a slight feeling of hope.. maybe I can be loved the way I’ve been longing for.

But… that means I have to leave you behind. I have to forget about you. I have to walk away. I have to let you go.

I’m afraid if I don’t another 10 years goes by and I’m sitting there still wondering why I stayed .. why I couldn’t love myself enough to walk away and choose love .. real raw love.

I wish I knew what I could do , because if I don’t love myself enough to walk away.. I will suffer the rest of my life.. and that is completely scary to me. I’m so scared of this decision.. but at the back of my mind I long for the real and raw love I came across.. just for a moment it was a touch of the most amazing thing I could of ever wished for.

Sometimes I wonder what if I left and choose that real love. I guess we’ll never know