My chosen donor passed away

Seeking advice on TTC again with a new donor after losing best friend & chosen donor July last year to a motorcycle accident. Still in the thick of the grief so TW.

How do you know when you’re ready? Grief edition. For background, I’m 29 & I always knew the path of becoming a SMBC was right for me, all my planning started at 25. Unfortunately in July 2025 my chosen donor & best friend of 10+ years sadly died in a MV accident. I woke up, excitedly took tests at 9:41AM only to have everything crash down in two minutes when I received the life altering message at 9:43.

With July being a month away it’ll be a year since he died & I’m still not okay but I do know time’s running out. Part of me wants to wait because I’m worried of how much harder all the grief will hit while pregnant but I do know if I did miss out on being a Mother it’d destroy me. I would appreciate ANY replies from any others who have unfortunately been through this as I am very lost with working out if I need to try giving myself a little more time or to try through the grief?

I previously found another donor who I really clicked with but he’s relocated to Italy which funnily enough is the one place I can apply to get a dual citizenship so I’m half considering that as no attachments here but I have also never lost someone this close to me & in this way, when I’ve been trying etc so I’m real out of my depth. I don’t want to just run away to live in Italy to avoid it & I’d prefer to find a donor I’d not need to travel from Australia for but also know that dual citizenship would end with my generation.

Any advice on any aspects would be appreciate, I just ask that you stay kind as this post is hard for me to even press send on. Thank you in advance.