Will I always find them triggering?

I’m like 7 months out, I don’t really think of my ex that much anymore (as in rumination, I still think of them once or twice everyday. It’s just not all consuming)

But still, I find myself so anxious about the idea of seeing them again. We don’t live close, but we share interests and hobbies. Whenever I go onto the parts of the internet they might be on, I’m so scared of seeing their account. When I think about going to an event they might be at, it intimidates me. I have visions of seeing them again in person and it’s like a nightmare.

I don’t want to see someone who hurt me so much and has probably gone on to hurt others (I’d have no idea if they have). I’m still horrified of the idea of them seeing other people, mostly because I’m disgusted that they would discard me like trash, not apologise or work on themselves, and just move on to the next person.. I’ve never been so vulnerable with someone as I was with them, and I felt really safe. The sudden shift of avoidance and the discard feels like they ripped my heart out and crushed it. That feeling of being so fragile and hurt I completely associate with them, I genuinely felt like i was going to die from heartbreak.

A big issue is that I struggle to suppress emotions. Emotionally, I feel like I’m made of glass and I always have been. I’ve tried to work on it, but I think this is just who I am.

Will this feeling of being scared of my ex ever go away.? Is it normal for the idea of seeing them again to trigger me so much even 7 months out? I keep thinking I should rip the bandage off and look at their social media to desensitise myself, but I think this is really silly because it’d just trigger me and re-centre them in my life again. I just want to forget them, and I don’t want to be scared of them either.