I really need help

I’m 44 and (probably similar to a lot of adults) have only clicked recently that I have ADHD. My GP is certain and I have in recent years struggled with addiction and depression. Depression medication (SSRI and SNRI) have made no difference and I think may have made things worse though it might just be coincidence. I attempted suicide two years ago and have been in recovery since but I’m running out of steam and can feel the ‘dark’ for want of a better word creeping back.

My GP referred me to a psychiatrist and after waiting for 5 months I was told there’s no supports available. A hard no.

I lost my job two months ago and have a wife and kids. We have nowhere near the money the private clinics charge and I’m honestly considering buying amphetamines illegally.

Does anyone have any advice?

I’m honestly desperate and can’t believe there’s just no options within the HSE. I’ve tried ALL of the alternative therapies other than psychedelics - exercise, journalling, meditation, strategic planning etc. They work to some extent but a drop in the ocean tbh and I’m starting to slack off on even those now.

I’m not trying to play the sad case here but I am pretty much exactly that - hopelessly sad and ashamed.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and found a solution?

Any advice greatly appreciated.