I have a parasocial crush on an influencer that I know irl

Hi everyone, this crush has kept me awake for far too long so I’m asking for your thoughts.

I’m a 18F and I have a crush on a tiktok influencer, 18M. Now for privacy reasons I won’t @ his page but he has well over 100k followers. We will just call him Bob for the story. (Please do not try and attempt to find him!!)

I first met Bob (before he started posting) through speech and debate in high school. In speech and debate, your school and other regional schools typically travel to whatever school hosts the competition. This also means that whatever event you normally do at the competition, you typically see the same people.

Now Bob and I don’t go to the same hs but we both live in a smaller city so whenever there is a competition our schools share a school bus to travel 2 hours to the competition schools. There wasn’t really a seating chart but we mostly sat amongst our own schools. We also do the same event so I often see him in the competition rooms. Now I’m not sure if I’m crazy but I thought we kept playing eye tag? It may have just been one sided and just been me since I thought he was really cute. Anyways that happened for a couple of competitions during sophomore year.

A week after a competition, I see a notification request from him to follow me on insta. I’m not sure if this was just a random follow or if it was because he searched my name up (my user is just my name). Also I’m not entirely sure if he meant to follow me or another girl on my team with the same last name (since at the competitions we typically go by last names). I have a feeling he meant to follow her since she’s really good at the event we do. But also I had a pfp of my face so maybe he did mean to follow me? The only two other mutuals we shared was her friend and bf (which goes to Bobs school) so that just made me more confused. Honestly, im not even sure if he knows I exist and that Im not reading things correctly. I’m probably way over thinking the follow but at the same time, he didn’t follow that many people. We pretty much just like each other’s stories and that’s it. (Which could have just been a coincidence)

Now junior year rolls around, and I notice he has a post abt a gf. I also wasn’t participating in speech and debate this year to focus more on my ap classes. I also noticed that he had started posting on tiktok and started to garner a small following. Honestly I don’t really think of him that much since he has a gf.

Now comes senior year. And I remember scrolling on tiktok and I see his face pop up. It was just a random talking video which I see has close to a million likes. I swipe left to his page and see that he’s kinda famous. Anyways I don’t think that much of it except wow and keep on scrolling.

It really shouldn’t have been an issue except I kept seeing his videos pop up on my page (mostly just him talking about different topics). I realize that we actually have so many values and opinions in common. I think that’s when my crush started developing especially since I’m attracted to peoples personalities and those who share similar values to me. Except the problem is I really don’t know him. It doesn’t help sometimes he would go on live and they would pop up on my feed and I felt like I was interacting with him (didn’t comment, just watched).

Honestly I don’t know what to do. Should I block him and stop myself from watching his posts? Would it be weird to slide into his dms considering he probably doesn’t even remember me? I took my pfp and posts down around junior year since I’m self conscious of my face but everyone tells me I look pretty. I don’t really know what to believe. If I do dm him I should prob put up some posts. I’ve responded to a couple of his stories without my pfp and I’m not sure if he even knows who I am since he’s following more than 1k ppl now. He’s responded back all the times but just friendly that’s it.

Maybe I should just block his TikTok page considering that we’re going to different colleges but in the same state. It’s gotten pretty bad to the point where I’m looking through his reposts. Also it doesn’t help that there are now absolutely gorgeous influencers now commenting under his insta posts…

Anyways I’m just rambling now but I can’t sleep so I’m typing. Not sure if anyone will take the time to fully read this but if you did, I hope u enjoyed the story and what should I do? I may just be fully delusional.