Weaning - extreme grief

I had been having very intense breast feeding aversions and firm nursing boundaries for around months, gently weaning and dropping feeds during that period.

To honour my body and our breastfeeding relationship i decided a while ago that the week of her 3rd birthday, “milky” would fly to the moon (Booby Moon reference). We spoke about it often and she understood, it’s still very much her comfort, she would say “I don’t want milky to go.” We were only feeding before and after sleeps (4 times total per day) for around 20 secs total each side because that’s all I could cope with, I honestly wasn’t coping at all with the sensation from the minute she would latch for so many months but I persevered for her.

My body and brain were 100% ready to fully wean, there’s no part of me that wants to flip out my boob to give milk any longer. But it turns out my heart was not ready. Last night for our last feed, I reminded her it was our last milky and while nursing she held on so tight and didn’t want to let go, I let her nurse for much much longer than usual, sobbing the entire time, my heart breaking. Once I was finished I counted down and she let go and melted into me, calm, until she drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t stop crying and fell asleep crying, this morning I have woke up with a puffy face and keep crying sporadically through out the day.

This morning she cried for milky a lot, I almost gave in but didn’t, I want her to feel safe with me and trust me and if I go back on my word I could lose trust. I told her Mummy is sad too. Eventually she was of course okay. She then cried a lot before her nap, I am currently writing this while she naps while crying my eyes out

She is a strong girl who adapts well, but this grief of saying goodbye to something so special and familiar is so intense.

Im looking for words of support from any others who have experienced this, did you persevere, this grief is so much that i keep wanting to give in and let her continue.
In my friendship circle most mums weaned early or when they weaned they didn’t seem to show emotions like this. Breast feeding for me is a huge part of my daughter and my relationship, our bond/attachment, her comfort. 1000+ days of familiar nursing. Saying goodbye to it also feels like saying goodbye to the tiny baby, it’s a lot and I am not coping💔💔💔