I’m fucked. 19Y/0

I started drinking with no reason. I simply enjoyed the taste and had many friends & a future when it started. However, before this I felt I wanted to be alone and when I discovered drinking I felt comfortable giving up on almost everybody. Now I am alone, apart from a couple I am close with. I left university due to alcoholism. I was doing a policing degree and I have no idea what happened. I did not go in for a week and this turned into 6 months until I had continuous phone calls home, until I had my exit interview.

I’m not the first person to experience this I know, however I cannot feel but lost. I have a big family, many siblings who I can rely on and yet I don’t want to tell anyone. I am not the depressive type, I have everything I could ever hope for and I still feel lost.

I am interested in Philosophy and I believe this is a partial reason for having suicidal thoughts. I have had a couple core friend groups where I have felt I am the heart of, and yet I disappear and go into this state of mind. For context of any help ( which is heavily appreciated btw) I like Marcus Aurelius predominantly, and almost any Ancient Greek / Roman text with Stoicism at its core.

I’ve been an addict for almost a year, drinking only whisky, neat and the odd time with Pepsi. I feel fucked. Went to the doctors a few weeks ago and have been diagnosed with Cirrhosis.

I have everything and yet struggle.