I don’t think it was an accident

My dad was very abusive. One night, he tried to kill me. Beat me, choked me, pulled out a knife and asked if I wanted to die. My siblings watched. His genitals were pressed up against mine. For years I thought it was an accident. I don’t think it was. And if my siblings weren’t there, he might have raped and killed me or at least threaten to. This wasn’t the only weird sexual thing he’s done but this is the only instance that I remember of where he actually touched me but I could be wrong. I keep having nightmares about him raping me on the living room floor, where I could have died. My nightmares always get worse around Father’s Day