Ethical conundrum

So I took a break from the life, more like a really long coma lol. Anyways since purging and going straight a lot has happened. I won’t bore you with the ins and outs, just the critical info.

First of all I’m in a happy relationship with my gf of 1.5years. I expressed my interest in chastity and my gf became my key holder. (It’s very fresh but it’s more of a femdom/sub/slave dynamic) I plan to build her up to pegging me.

Secondly I’m very confused. I don’t know where I stand on sexuality I love my girlfriend. She’s pretty amazing and she makes me feel so happy. But I seem to keep coming back to this “habit”, no matter what I do I end up thinking about cock.

Thirdly, i do love my gfs pussy, but the thought of my hole being filled by cock while I lay complicit is in my head everyday now. I’ve always been scared to meet someone on grinder and let them fill me in. Id always chicken out.

I guess my question is, how bad would it be if I found a way to suck a cock and be fucked in my chastity while still in a relationship with my gf. She doesn’t know how far it goes and now since we’ve done chastity play all I can think about and want it a nice, lengthy and girthy cock

Sorry for the rants….. it’s helping to get it out and vent here