Help me I’m stuck and don’t know how to deal

So I’m 17 and I’m drowning I have no one and the people I do know ignore me or don’t care that in dying in front of them and I’m so terrified to tell anyone that I’m feeling because I don’t want to get sent away again. All these expectations are holding me under and the “good” me is stabbing me they thought I was fixed and better cuz I wasn’t eating and lost weight or because I was set to graduate early and now they expect me to do absolutely everything. I’m working every day from 4am to 12pm caring for children just for 100$ to help my family and they just quit their job and put it on me to fix everything. Im breaking and I can’t do anything right I don’t want to hurt but I can’t fix it I don’t even remember what my personality was before I gave up I’m terrified I will hurt myself again(I pick and scratch my skin off) I can’t calm my self down cause it’s viewed as stupid I loved to draw and dance and sing I was basically a Disney princess and then people changed and I was in bad things I people I knew through my off the deep end and it was like I couldn’t swim. Idk I just need to tell someone and get help I just don’t want to be sent to some mental asylum if I tell everything that goes on in my fucked brain but it’s almost worse to sit in it.