Is it a sort of evil to still feel this way when life is so "good"

I have it very easy. Life is comfortable for me mostly. When I was a kid there was arguing at home between my parents and half sisters and I can see some things that were less ideal but overall it was mild at worst. It had always been just me to myself that is the enemy. At this point, life is easy. Lots of free time with a part time job but making a comfortable salary, stable relationship, roof over my head and all. All things considered, I think I should feel very guilty I am not happy. I think I'm quite evil for it, like a malignant tumor I guess. I'm too stupid to feel good or to comfortable hating myself? I don't know. But it must mean I'm evil, correct? With no reason to be unhappy all outside factors considered, I'm just dumb and always hate myself and that rules over everything. I think it must be some kind of horrible, vile, vile something. Isn't it real fucking dumb I make myself miserable for no reason or I'm just silly wanting to split myself open. I feel sorry for the pain I read others go through, they don't deserve it. They deserve more of the good I have but don't deserve. It's really unfair like that. I should be righting some sort of cosmic wrong, like balancing a scale, it would be just. But instead all I do is whine about hooooow sorrryyyyy I feel for myself oh poor thing woe is me! So surely, it makes my self harm a righteous thing to do then. It's like snipping a wee bit away, tiny bits until that balance gets closer and closer. I know it would just need my death so I can feed the earth or whatever. I dunno, isn't it evil that I'm alive like this, that I dare complain and whine so much instead of enjoy and spread something good. Isn't it just evil of me?