Priesthood? Monastic? Secular? Idk where God wants me, but I know my greatest joy and purpose.

I’m struggling now with that. Today I brought two classmates to come to mass with me, both of whom are not Catholic, one was very serious about her faith and I knew she would love it, and the other didn’t really have a relationship with any church although she believed in God, and whom I recently started a relationship with. Since I started that relationship I’ve been very hesitant, I didn’t feel how I expected, the friendship we had was forever altered and idk. I still care for her but the actual physical emotion is not there, but I know love is a choice one makes every day and that’s what I choose to do. Nothing gave me more butterflies though than when the three of us walked into the church and I showed them around. The mass began and I was nervous the whole time but felt so much affection for the woman I am currently in a relationship with standing next to me in the pews. Thankfully they both loved it, and want to attend next week.

After mass though our one classmate left and it was just my girlfriend and I and we walked the station of the cross and talked and sat at a bench in front of a statue of mother Mary, we talked about life and faith and God and I taught her how I pray, to close your eyes and just sit with God, not having to think anything in particular or ask anything or listen for any sign but just sit with awareness that God is with you and just be still. I told her I was going to take a lap so she could spend time alone with God and she was telling me how she felt like when she was a kid, when our thoughts weren’t so loud and subtracting from life. Nothing has brought me so much joy and feeling of purpose and peace than that morning, ever since God has saved me I’ve made it my goal to help others and eventually as my faith has been established and solidified bringing others to God. I’m willing to shame myself, to walk away from relationships, to make a fool of myself, or would rather someone hate me if it meant them being closer to God, every serious conversation of faith I have I pray for that, and the Holy Spirit just fills me with the words.

But this morning I’ve been really considering either monastic life or priesthood as a real possibility. I was also thinking of staying secular but continuing God’s work in daily life among peers or friends who aren’t in a relationship with God. That has been one of my biggest reasons of staying as a lay person. I truly think God wants me in secular society over priesthood or monastic life. We will see where God calls me though, but I think God idk if God wants me to marry, and my spirit understands this I think. I love my friends, I love the connection of friendships. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship until this woman. I’m Gen Z and 24 years old. God has been closest the and most serious and meaningful relationship and connection I’ve ever had, God has been a parent, a friend, a brother, a leader, a priest, a savior, a king, and redeemer to me, the hole that had always been missing in my life and knew my soul well enough to know me and answer my prayers of childhood in ways I never thought possible. So I don’t know, but I’m willing to go wherever God calls me if it means bringing people to God and for them to know the same love and peace I’ve received from God, that has been the most meaningful thing I have ever done in my life.