Life has lost its appeal to me

Lately, I feel like I’ve lost the meaning I used to find in life.

I’m in a relationship but it seems to be going nowhere I have people who care about me, I have food, shelter, and things many people would be grateful for. That’s part of why I feel guilty for even writing this. From the outside, everything should be okay.

But nothing really excites me anymore.

The future that I used to dream about feels distant. I spend most of my time wanting to sleep, disappear into nature, and be away from everything. Money, careers, expectations, deadlines it all feels exhausting. I know those things are part of life, but right now I can’t find any motivation in them.

Sometimes I wonder if the only thing I truly want is to leave everything behind for a while, travel, and exist without expectations. I’m planning to break up with my bf after graduating from highschool (i’m in 12th rn) and then travel for a bit and just end everything after that. Because I am not ready to deal with life and really don't think i’ll ever be able to be happy. I think people have it worse than me but still they have a will to live unlike me, since my life is so good I can't even tell anyone. I just always have this feeling of emptiness and loneliness idk it never goes away. I thought if I fell in love and found that someone it would improve but hell I have never really experienced feeling happy even after being in a relationship. It was my last hope but I ended up getting ignored from him too lol. So it's better to leave ig. I hope I can travel and be in nature before I go.

I’m not looking for advice. I just needed somewhere to put these thoughts instead of carrying them alone.