Unfelt my feelings for so long I can't decipher them anymore

Half the time I think I know how I feel, and even if I don't I was beginning to think I could convey them regardless of if I couldn't see the bottom of the barrel. Now I'm sitting here unsure moreso of my feelings than I was yesterday and I feel like I can't trust my own mind about it.

Am I breaking down walls I put up and touching vulnerabilities I've been ignoring? Or am I so desperate to be loved and cared for after years of nothing that I've turned this person into an object of limerance?

Have I gotten more mature or am I stagnant?

I don't know how to feel, because I know romantic love isn't everything, or even the most important kind of love, but damn it I want to be loved. If my family and friends fuck up and don't consider me or forget things, I want someone in my corner who remembers, who's my home, who I can go back to. I don't like *having* to be alone all the time. And I feel like an idiot for the situation I've gotten into, the other person has just been nice(fwb). I care for them, and I miss them after we hang out and I have to go home and act like I wasn't even with them(abusive south Asian life lol) which is how I feel about my friends too, but idk if something romantic with my FWB. I don't feel nervous with them, or head over heels. But I talked about it with them despite us both being in situations that prevent us from committing to a relationship. We've basically agreed to keep doing what we're doing.

I just feel like I should've just shut up and kept on. Isn't it clear then that they've just seen me as a friend they find pretty and have sex with? A part of me might be being extra cruel to myself. Doesn't help that I'm stressed from a final project.