How do I go about this?

Alright so, I’m 20m, bi, Saudi unfortunately, not the best combo, I know. I’ve got a skeptical nature that refuses to make me Muslim/believe in it though I act nonetheless, so that might be helping my aversion. Misery, is one word to describe it, especially with super strict religious parents, and a rotten dad. Now, recently I’ve come to know of the Saudi gay dating scene which is done by using a vpn then downloading grindr, though people say it’s either people looking for nothing but sex, escorts, or chasers (straight men aiming for “easy” sex, again homosexuality is heavily punishable by sharia law, so I don’t even know how these idiots exist???) which sounds miserable, and that’s even if you find an actual person, some are homophobes looking to lure and beat people, or sting operations to catch folk (though the latter is a rumor) nonetheless I have recently considered it which made me realize I need a therapist probably, not a fling with potentially life ending risks. I cannot for the life of me vent to someone here of course, would overseas online therapy be a reasonable option? Yet I don’t know how to do even that safely.