AITA for cutting off my best friend for the guy she decided to date?

I (21F) and my best friend Addie(21F), have been best friends for 3 years. We became best friends through our exs actually. She had been together with Dave (20M) since they were 15 and 14. I started dating Mark(22M) in early 2023 when we were 19 and 17, but our relationship only lasted 4 months. Mark and Dave are best friends and they do everything together. So, naturally, Addie and I became best friends too even after I had broken up with Mark.

Now it’s important to know, that Mark is possibly the worst human being i have ever met. He has only child syndrome, he is entitled, and he has SA’ed me. The only reason he wanted a girlfriend, was so she could be someone to cook and clean for him. Dave on the other hand, is just like him, just slightly better looking and taller. (But still not very good looking)

About 3 months after Mark and I broke up, Dave broke up with Addie because “he needed more time with his boys.” Which is possibly the most ignorant statement I have ever heard in my entire life. Addie called me bawling her eyes out. They had been together for a little over two years at this point. I was obviously there for her, and this is where our friendship really blossomed. However, right after they broke up, they would get back together and break up just about every other week until finally they broke up for good.

The year and a half they were broken up, was possibly some of the best years of my life. I trusted Addie with my entire life. We would go on trips, spend almost every day together, go shopping, and even introduced her to my friends in a different state and that’s when we formed a group. I introduced her to some of my other friends as well, and then we had two groups we would bounce between which was so fun. I told this girl my secrets and she told me hers. We literally did not have any secrets from each other.

That was until around October 2025. Dave had reached out to her again. Which she did tell me about. Naturally, when I heard this news, I was not happy about it at all. By this point, I had a boyfriend and I did not want to be around Addie while Dave was there which I did end up telling her and she said she understood. During our friendship, Addie had opened up to me about some physical abuse on Dave’s end. I had also known that Dave had serially cheated on her multiple times and I already wasn’t a fan of him just for that. I expressed my concerns to her about them restarting this relationship and just to be careful and she seemed decently receptive.

Fast forward to December 2025. Addie had been invited by Dave to go out of state with him to a bar about an hour and a half away and Addie went. Keep in mind, that Addie and Dave’s relationship wasn’t even “official” yet. And this had been going on since October. When Addie got back, she told me that she broke things off with Dave because she found out that he had invited a different girl to go with him to this bar and she said no…so he asked Addie to go with him. After that Addie said, “I am done with him. Slap me in the face if I ever get back with him.” When she got to my house, I had gotten her a little care package because, yes, I did not like Dave, however I knew that Addie was upset about it and I wanted her to know that it was okay to be upset around me.

Now, in January 2026, we got an insane amount of snow and ice. Addie had just started her new healthcare job, and she ended up having to stay the night where she worked. She later tells me, that she called Dave crying because she didn’t have a way home. I expressed to her that I could have picked her up, my father could have picked her up, and literally anybody else could have picked her up. She blew it off and said “no like the roads by my house were so bad tho” and I was like “so you called Dave. The guy who can barely drive without snow and ice?”

Anyway I figured it would be just like the last time where he would end up talking to another girl and she would find out again and it would be over. However, this was not the case. I do believe there are other girls on the side, but none that she’s found out about yet.

Around 2 months later on her birthday, I made a little birthday story post for her and at the end of it I said “if there are any single guys worth a shit, add her, she needs a good man.” Which I do admit, was slightly backhanded, but I mainly meant it as a joke. I had been saying stuff like that to her for weeks and we would just laugh about it. Well then I had my ex messaging me blowing up my phone. Saying “you need to mind your damn business” and “let her live her life” stuff like that. I messaged back and said “Dave is clearly someone who has hurt her in the past, and will hurt her again. Why would I be quiet abt that? She’s like a sister to me.” I then messaged Addie like “hey isn’t this so stupid that Mark would message me abt this” to which she responds “well it was really petty of you to post that. It just started up a lot of drama in the group I’m in. It stirred the pot that I don’t want to be involved in.” To which I responded “if you don’t want to be involved in the drama, then remove yourself from the pot. I meant this as a joke. It’s obviously your decision to leave or not to leave.” Keep in mind that Addie and I always make fun of a lot of the stuff Mark says. 90% of it holds no truth and he just talks just to talk.

Well, after this, I saw she didn’t have my back in a situation she normally does have my back in. Even with me poking fun at her, she’s always had my back and vise versa. So I start drawing away little by little just to see if she texts me or calls me. Spoiler: she didn’t.

There was one night, I was with one of our mutual friends and we decided to drink a little and have some fun. At this point in my life, I was severely depressed. I had just lost my job, I was losing my best friend, someone ran into my car and almost totaled it, and so much more stuff that I won’t get into. While we were drinking, Addie FaceTimed us. Everything was going okay until she said “I’m so jealous, I wish I was there with y’all right now.” To which drunk me responded with “well even if you weren’t at work rn, you wouldn’t come because you’re too busy with Dave all the time to give a shit about us.” This escalated things, and I ended up bawling in the bathroom floor. At some point while I’m on the bathroom floor, Mark decides to take advantage of the situation and text me some long paragraph. (I don’t remember what he said). To which drunk me responded with calling him and screaming at him to leave me alone, never call me again, and that no body likes him (which is honestly kinda true). I honestly stand by that part of the night because this was a 6 month period where Mark would not leave me alone while I actively had a boyfriend. (He hasn’t talked to me since thank God).

The next morning, I get up and text Addie. I tell her that it was so wrong of her to tell Mark and Dave what was going on regardless if I pissed her off because she knew I was in a vulnerable state and decided to stir the pot anyway with people that had no business in what was going on. She replied with “well let’s meet in person today and talk like adults.” Which I thought was pretty ironic considering that she hasn’t acted like an adult in this whole situation. Granted, I hadn’t made the best judgment on things either, however, the best decision I made was to pull away because I knew that talking with her about it was only going to have her flip it back on me and have me apologizing for things that I didn’t even do and have her come out looking like she had done nothing wrong (it’s happened before when she was 100% in the wrong with how she treated me so don’t come for me).

A week or so goes by, and she hadn’t texted me to meet up and talk (I was busy the day she wanted me to) so I figured she just didn’t care. One night, I was on TikTok and realized that Dave had started commenting on my TikTok’s. Stuff like “this is wack” and “I know your breath stank”. I screenshotted both and sent them to her. She calls me and we start talking. She said she didn’t know Dave said that and that she would talk to him about it. I ended up apologizing on my end for yelling at her that night. She kept saying “yea I would have NEVERRR yelled at you like that.” Over and over again. To which I responded with “well yea I would have never ditched my best friend to go date an abuser, cheater, and a manipulator yet here we are.” I explained to her that when I started dating my boyfriend that I never ditched her or quit talking to her, but every time her and Dave were dating or talking again, I would barely hear anything from her. To which I also explained that it’s a huge sign of abuse. The biggest thing to look for in abuse is if that person is secluding you from everyone. (I’ve seen it multiple times with my family and lived it with Mark. I just got out of it) She then responds with “well me and Dave are moving in together… but don’t be mad.” At this point I knew everything was pretty much over, but I did try to save what was left of the relationship. We ended that phone call on a good note, and that was that. Until….

I was on TikTok one day and realized that I had a hidden message request. When I looked at it, it was Dave. The message read “Aye b\*tch. You better keep your mouth shut and stay your fat ass out of our business.” To which I responded with “you should be more concerned with your own behavior. Especially towards women. This isn’t a good look for you.” He responded with some paragraph with the worst grammar imaginable. I had to decipher this message. But it basically read “you came at me and then got mad when someone responded. I don’t care about you at all. Addie and I were a thing before we even knew you existed. You’re so immature and corny.” (Yes he used the word corny) “Grow up and act your age. You’re such a fake friend because you haven’t said any of this to her face. And you ruined Addie’s birthday. You’re just so annoying” (Mind you, a man who abused and cheated on Addie wrote this but okay) to which I responded with a Bible verse. “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment. Proverbs 12:19” He then responded “so your saying your lying abt everything then? Well no one listens to a word you say anything.” To which I responded “if no one listens to anything I say, then why are you so concerned with me telling Addie the truth about you?” To which he started threatening me. Empty threats btw cause he literally won’t do anything. I screenshotted those. Sent them to Addie and said “you don’t have to respond to this. I know you’ll take his side and make a million excuses for his behavior, but I thought you should see this because I doubt he will show you.” She responded and said “hold on” and I said “no need. I’m done with this. I was trying to be a good friend to you and try to explain to you how awful of a situation you are in right now with Dave, but I’m done with this. If you need to contact me, you know where to find me.” She responded with “ok😂”.

So pls, tell me if I am the a hole in this. I know I get too invested sometimes. I thought of this girl like a genuine family member, and tried to help her as if she were my sister. (Besides the drunk part, which again I take full responsibility for and apologized to her). I have still never gotten an apology from anyone in that little group. From the threatening, to the basically harassment. I never went on Dave’s social media and commented on what he had posted, I never contacted Dave directly to threaten him, and I never made a post on my social media about Dave. I stand by the saying “it’s not my problem if I tell people the truth and you happen to look bad”. I promise that everything I have said is 100% fact. This had nothing to do with anger, jealousy, or any malicious intent but everything to do with the fact that I love Addie like she’s my sister and it’s insane to me that she can just drop a 3 year close friendship for a man who has treated her the way he has. Any advice?