I’m prob gonna die alone

I’m not just talking about a partner. I have absolutely no one. Everyone thinks I’m garbage. Everyone expects me to be someone that I’m not while always treating the same. How the fuck do you expect me to “better” myself when I’ve been ostracized since day one. Everyone talks like one should be like a monk about loving yourself and blah blah blah when it’s clear that most people don’t this shit. Most people get validated through puberty and get a sense of belonging and then you get confidence. They don’t get confidence out of their ass. I just don’t have the emotional resilience to be treated like shit over and over and over and over again until maybe eventually I gain a grain of charisma. Either way it’s too fucking late for me. I’m 25 and there’s nothing going on in my life. I never wanted to be this smooth macho guy nor a pretentious fuck. I thought maybe being reserved or shy wouldn’t be a red flag to every fucking one, maybe if you’re not ugly. Otherwise, you’re just seen as an inconvenience. Holy shit do people not tolerate any kind of difference even if it’s inoffensive. Sorry for the ramble