Wife & cheating SIL.

Hi everybody!

I hope you’re all fine & well.

I just needed your advice on my thought process or maybe if my perceptions are right.

I (M28) got married to my wife (F29) a year ago. We both enjoy a beautiful relationship & have really good things planned ahead. During our dating phase which lasted almost 2 years, my wife was extremely critical of my social media handles & my interaction with women of any kind. Even my family. To this extent that on one instance, she over-scrutinised & counter-questioned me so much on my insta followers / following (Women only) that instead of removing anybody, i chose to delete my insta altogether & told her i did it only for her after creating a new id following only her. She appreciated that a lot. Fast forward 6 months, she decided to take a few pictures from my phone but proceeded to open snapchat, scroll through my chats & opened the chat of one random girl (I had a lot of them added before her) and asked me why was she texting me (The texts were sent by her side only some 3 years ago & i had never read her chat). I took the phone from her hand & deleted my snap altogether which again got her heads over heels.

Her reason for being so irritated by my interavtion with the opposite gender is that she does not want any person sliding by me as it can mead to opportunies. I have and still tell her that it’s my job to make her feel secure & she should do the same too.

However on the contrary, she has random men both on her insta & snap which i never worried about but my egotistical side kinda disapproved that as it severely contradicted her own statements regarding interactions with the opposite gender.

When i became toxic regarding that & started getting sarcastic on her not following her own rules, she told me she would delete everything but i stopped her telling her i would never restrict her the way she does & that if she ever feels the need to talk / depend on somebody else, i can’t do anytjing but just be better. She got really emotional & removed loads of her followers except a few (Minus snapchat lol we never really had that convo).

This was all to bring her “Loyalty” concept to light.

So, today we were invited for breakfast by my wife’s sister (F32) & her husband (M41) including out Mother-in-law to their house & we gladly accepted. Once we were there, my SIL was on her phone sitting on the couchwhich we all noticed. Texting with that weird wicked smiling face lol. My wife, standing behind her saw her screen & i saw her looking at the screen too after which she game me the eyes meaning ‘Daaaamn’.

Well i told her to shush & we’ll discuss it when we leave.

Once outside, she told me that she was texting her boss & sending him her own pictures & giving him updates of what was happening & basically being all love birdey right besides us & her husband.

I was shocked. I could expect it out of anyone. But never her since she is a very religious woman & is modest. Always on about how i am not loyal with my wife & might bolt (LOL).

She mever mentioned it again.

I initiated the convo while we both were making dinner tjat waht the hell was that & my wife said ‘Yeah that’s crazy’ and then again she went cold turkey. I brought this up right there that i was surprised how she was taking all of that so lightly since they’ve been married 8 years & the guy is basically trying to help her overcome her PCOS / Over-weight issues due to which they’re unable to have kids to which she replied ‘Yeah that’s unbelievable’ and that was it.

Her man, is a very humble gentleman. Always lending a helping hand. Very assertive & very accomodative. I like him plain and simple because he means business whenever he talks & so do i since i’m very occupied due to my own work.

I am amazed at how lightly she’s handling all that having witnessed how she went nuclear on her bestfriend who she found out was hanging with her ex & after having an altercation over phone blocked her.

If she is so critical of cheating / being loyal. How can she have this idgaf attitude?

And now my mental peace is screwed as my mind is going tod ark places. 8 years of marriage & this stuff is happening. What example does this set for us?

I want my wife to just realize this herself & cut off every man because now i’m the one who sees every other person as a threat to our relationship.

I’m unable to hold a convo with her again regarding the affair that we discovered because i don’t want to sound obsessive but i can see the same pattern being repeated that allegedly the husband told me (Getting his insta deleted, erasing his social media presence & basically cutting him off from everbody, including his social circle, friends & family etc).

I’m following the same path. And i can see that my EVERY kind of dependency lies on her whereas she has options open. To literally talk to anybody.

Another kinor detail, on my insistance, she does not put up any insta display but changes that to the sleaziest picture in her gallery the minute we fight & end the call (I’m mostly away for work in another city). Every single time i ask her why would she show random people her half naked body & every time her rebuttal is ‘Oh i wanted YOU to tell me to remove it’.

But i know as a matter of fact, that the minute we fight, even rigt now. She’ll do the same.

Her behavious at times is erractic like this one & now it has me questioning. Are her morals bendable? How can she go from Cheating hell no to yeah that was bound to happen?

What am i looking at & how to counter my obsessive controlling thoughts & emotions being culled out?

I hope i make sense.

Please feel free to ask amything for added clarity :)

Tl;dr

Wife is overly critical about cheating & being loyal but upon discovering an on-going affair of her SIL, she seems okay with it?