my boyfriends asleep my confession

i have this overwhelming urge to be cheated on, I dont want him to leave me but I love the idea of him cumming in another woman. He is pretty dom but likes to switch up, I watched porn with him and the idea of him fucking and sexting some girl who manipulates him and degrades me gets me wet. I want to know but i dont want him to know I know lol.

He's asleep right now, and im touching my clit, f20 hes 24
Idk if i have the courage to be cheated on but i love him, i just want to feel used, ive checked his snap and instagram and he doesn't really talk to people besides his friends unless he deletes his stuff