Feel Like I Need Help With My Niche

Didn’t know whether to put ‘advice needed’ or ‘vent’ for this one. Any & all comments are welcome, too-

I know it might sound goofy to some, but I have a seemingly unique problem enjoying irl scat stuff in that for me it’s often… not big enough? I got into scat through some pretty hyper porn- I do think that my standards are a lot more realistic for the real thing, but most of the time I come off of videos still wishing that there was more of it to enjoy.

I myself have a condition that usually makes me go a lot, when I do. I’ve always loved watching a huge load come out, & like, I feel like the smaller & thinner it gets, the harder it is for me to be turned on by it, unfortunately. The issue is enough that it’s scared me off of meetups at times, honestly. I know that like, people can tailor their diet to make a bigger load, yeah, but the result is still often kinda variable lol. I don’t necessarily want to ask somebody to put all that effort in for me in that regard, especially if it were for my first time, too- ^^”

Just find it to be a struggle with me getting into it, cause I really want to enjoy shit, but it kinda turns me off a bit when said shit is small. Dunno if anyone else has this predicament, or if it’s just me, but either way I thought I’d see the responses I get. I bet a lot of people here are turned on a lot more by bigger dumps, but I don’t see many in my place who get turned off by the lack of size.