Dealing with southern baptist, "non-denominational" in-laws.

Hey y'all,

I am a mutli-generation cradle Episcopalian and live in the south. I'm also not the most "spiritual" and have never cared much about religion. I do, however, enjoy being in the Episcopal church and would rather never go to church again before even thinking about changing denominations. I just enjoy the tradition of the Episcopal churches, as well as the laid back beliefs, lack of "pushiness," and the type people that are also Episcopalians.

My girlfriend and I are about to get engaged, and are needing some bit of guidance or recommendation on how to deal with bringing her folks to the realization that we will not be partaking in their type of church lifestyle once we are married and starting a family. She and I have very similar morals, and views on life and religion. From the on-set of our relationship she always talked about not enjoying the worship hands, band playing, performative mega church her family attends. We would talk about how religion and church would never be at the forefront of our relationship, but still felt the need to both be apart of a church. She mentioned how her sister-in-law was Catholic, and she enjoyed the Catholic service she attended, so naturally I told her about the Episcopal church, and she loved it. We are both medical students 1.5-2 hours from our hometowns and attend an Episcopal church whenever our study schedule gives us the opportunity, and have done so for the past year. We do, however, still attend her parents' mega-church some as well as my family's Episcopal church when we are home visiting. I'll also add that my family lives in a larger city, and hers lives in an exurb about 30 minutes away.

Right now, we are home for the summer before heading back to school and getting engaged. Her parents' are pretty controlling to put it lightly, and it is expected for my girlfriend and I to attend their mega-church anytime we are at their house visiting. My girlfriend HATES doing this, and I just smile, go along, and stand there for an hour. She attended a mega-church service a few weeks ago that was pretty much the breaking point for her never wanting to go back there. I then read that church's website and found some pretty homophobic remarks that I would not want to ever be associated with ever in my life, along with some other outlooks on life I do not appreciate at all. It's the type of things that if my friends, or family knew I was around, I would be rightfully shunned. After talking about that, my girlfriend and I decided that we will not be going back there for the time being. And we are going to start going to the Episcopal church in her exurb this summer, and anytime we might visit just to give her somewhere closer to her house to attend anytime she might be back home and I am not able to go back with her. We also want to make sure that our future children are never around that mega-church's hateful environment. Outside of church, her parents are nice people, and we enjoy being around them; their church is just not something I can be a part of even just as a visitor or ever expose a child to.

We are looking for advice on a few things: how to tell her parents that we will no longer be going to their church, and are going to start going to the Episcopal church in their town on Sunday mornings anytime we are in town visiting. How should we handle Christmas? (this is the most important thing) We typically go to her family's Christmas "Eve" service a few days before Christmas and then my Family's service on actual Christmas Eve. She does not want to upset her parents by us not going on Christmas, but I will at least not be going inside that mega-church ever again (we decided that once we start our own family and have kids, we will not go to that church at all during Christmas, no matter what her parents have to say). Also how we should handle the reasoning for no longer going to her parents' church if/when they ask us why we can't just go to church there. I am all for telling them that it's a propaganda filled, bigoted, homophobic, hateful, performative, and negative place that I would never want myself or family associated with. But obviously we don't want to cause too much tension right before we get married.

If any of y'all have ever dealt with a similar situation, or have any remarks on how to navigate this, it would be greatly appreciated. Not hoping to piss off anyone, and to hopefully have this be a cordial discussion where her parents are understanding. Thanks y'all.