Lost my dog to canine cognitive dysfunction

My baby boy of 13 years passed away almost a month ago. I’m still not ok. First couple weeks I was a complete wreck. I lost 5 pounds from not eating from the depression and grief of losing him. Now I’m somewhat better but still crying everyday and the grief comes in waves. If something reminds me of him or if I start thinking about him I start sobbing. I can’t get over the feeling guilt of how it all ended.. like there could have been more I could have done for him.

The doggie dementia progressed so fast within 4 months he was a completely different dog. There were moments of the old him here and there which made the decision to put him down so hard to make. He would occasionally still want to play and still had a love for food. Other than that, zero tail wags for months, would sleep all day and pace and howl at night, daily house accidents. We were also taking care of our newborn baby. It was so incredibly hard on us to deal with him like this plus taking care of the baby. I also didn’t treat him the best postpartum which I feel terrible for looking back. There were so many changes to his life at the end and I couldn’t give him the attention he needed. I just hope he knew how loved he was. He was our first baby! I want to believe that our pets can visit us somehow someway so I’m hoping he’ll visit me in a dream or something. I just wish I can hug him and cuddle him one last time.