Working on myself

Salaam everyone!

I’m just curious as I’ve been a bit torn lately as to whether or not I should put myself out there.

So for context, I’m F24 and have PCOS, I was diagnosed when I was 18 and put on quite a bit of weight since 16 from it. At the moment, I’m working on myself. Going to the gym, taking my supplements, doing Hijama and inshallah slowly but surely managing the condition to the point of reversal.

I’m a romantic at heart, and I’m getting older. So I feel like maybe I should start to look for a husband. But then, I’m also concerned because so far it seems like maybe my weight is an issue when it comes to physical attraction. But also, I know I have a good heart, I’m emotionally intelligent, funny and understanding. I know I bring a lot more to the table besides just on how I look.

And despite my weight, I don’t think I look bad. Regardless, the pounds will drop because I’m dedicated to putting in the work. But I’m torn between starting my search now or starting it later when I’ve slimmed down more.

But in that instance it’ll always be in the back of my head that maybe i would be rejected if I was still bigger. Also marriage is a long term thing. Pregnancy, old age, health. So much comes with it, that could change far more than just your physical appearance and weight.

I don’t think I’d feel good being with someone knowing they would instantly reject me at my biggest. But then at the same time as that, the pool of men seems much smaller (and albeit a little ruder) as a chubby girl.

But maybe I’m generalising and all men aren’t this shallow? In which case I should put myself out there now and not after I’ve reached my desired weight?

I myself don’t really mind if someone’s a chubby. And in fact prefer it (better cuddles!). So long as they’re also managing their health and fitness like me :) I don’t know, I’m a little confused.

Please let me know your thoughts!