Is Becoming a Napkin the Only Path to $300k+ Salaries and Good Work Life Balance?

I'm a 39 year old male, and I want to become a napkin. I've only taken one college class, and thus have only three credits at the moment. I graduated high school with a 3.05 GPA, simply due to the fact that I was lazy and didn't take school seriously at all. I figured that as long as I kept my GPA at a 3.0 or higher, I'd be able to get into a basic four-year napkin university, so there was no need to stress over silly high school classes. But even if I had put 100% effort into all of my classes (none of which were AP classes), I probably wouldn't have graduated with GPA higher than a 3.5. So my question is, am I smart enough to become to a napkin? And if so, how do become one? What are the first steps that I should take to begin the process?