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My grandma passed on Sunday. I'm not particularly sad, kinda relieved for her that it's over. Tomorrow is funeral that I'm going to attend but half an hour ago father yelled at me because I don't want to attend today's viewing. I explained to him that today I have project meeting for festival next week and that I don't really like going to viewings.

He was furious because that's not the way he raised me, because granny took care of me during childhood and every grandkid (besides me) will be there.

For me preparing for festival is important because I finally got friends that I can spend time with and it's a big step for me towards bigger projects. I don't believe that group mourning will honor the deceased better than if I did it alone at cemetery. And every viewing I remember is monotonous praying and small groups sitting in corners and talking about anything.

Should I feel bad for my decision? It's not far away but I wouldn't attend meeting. Am I too dense or inhumane for caring less about the viewing than project meeting?

EDIT: In the end I did attend both. After meeting I headed right away to the viewing even if for a short time. Do I feel better? No. Do others feel better? Maybe. But I'm thankful for your response and pointing out my immaturity. I didn't want to disappoint friends but did end up disappointing my father. Right now I do feel like a total AH and that was disrespectful of me. It's something deep within me that I have to work through with therapist.