[TW: SH] How do yall cope? I'm genuinely at a breaking point

At this point, it’s constant. I don’t have an official BPD diagnosis yet, but I have every single symptom and I can’t handle my own head anymore.

I feel like I’m using Reddit as a therapist because I genuinely don’t know where else to turn.The "emotional whiplash" is exhausting. I’ll have a flashback that sends me into pure panic, and then seconds later, I’ll remember something silly and hit a state of total euphoria. My head is so loud that distractions don't even touch it. I’ve heard of emotional regulation skills, but I’m struggling to believe anything can stop these agonizing flashbacks. I just need my brain to shut up.

I'm 18 and it feels like I emotionally regress whenever the feelings get too strong (which is always.) I’ll shift from feeling like a terrified 12 year old who just needs to be held, to a euphoric version who wants to talk for hours about his favorite media. These shifts happen more or less, every 15 minutes. It’s draining, and because I’m alone and I’m just trapped in this cycle by myself.

Sometimes, the only way I can break the spiral is through physical pain, but I don’t want to keep doing that. My therapist mentioned Bipolar and is recommending a psychiatrist for mood stabilizers. I am genuinely pinning all my hopes on these meds working... because if they don't, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.