Older brother

I don't know I'm here to vent. Not a redditor, i didn't know where else to dump this. I don't even know if this is the right community to post this. Please let me know before bringing this down and where I should go.

So I am 17f and my brother 20m(unemployed/studying), and I don't know where to start, great. He beats me. It was okay when we were little you know siblings fight, but he was and is much stronger than me so I had to accept my fate, I couldn't fight back much. Biology huh. He is extremely immature, for his age. He gets pissed at the smallest things and his crashouts are so childish like he is always trying to show dominance over me although he is a super chud in public. On my 17th birthday I took his headphones for a while like 5 mins and he went in his "savage" modes and he still beat me. I wasn't celebrating my birthday because it was raining and I was already sad and gloomy for a couple days. He beat me, kicked me in my arms and punched me in my back, pulled my hair. Ok let's not go in much detail, you get the point right? Also he can't talk to people he can't make friends and he gets laughed at behind his back.

Anyways the reason why I'm writing this is I was wondering will he miss me? Will he regret what he did to me? The distance continues to grow between us, doesn't it for all siblings? When will he understand? Because I understand that one day I won't be here with him. There will be no one for him, not our mother not our father. As you can guess he has no game. He looks conventionally ugly. He won't even have a girlfriend to call home. Or wife. If he ever gets married, will he be happy? It aches my heart to think of all this. Imagine he is having a hard time and kills himself? I mean I think he could do that. And such times are near for him. I was suicidal for a few months back in 2025 and I grew up from it. I can't do anything stupid like that. He could. Ok? He could. He scares me.

I was thinking about all this at dinner a few minutes ago. I was looking at him. And I was wondering... How will he remember me? Will he look at me with hate his entire life? Or actually understand how I loved him but always failed trying to make him understand that? He was my first friend. I wanted to play with him. I went to him but he beat me up. My mother told me not to go in front of him. How could I not go in front of him? I had no one to play with. And if it was not for him, I wouldn't have become the person I am today. Will he remember me as that sister? When he will reminisce about his childhood will he remember me? How we used to play together and laugh and make houses and towers out of soap bars for his hotwheels? Will he die not knowing how much I loved him? Maybe he hates me because I used to hate him? Why wouldn't I? Who wouldn't hate the person who beats you for selfish reasons? (He liked watching me get beaten up by our parents,he used to lie too when he grew old enough. Like the one time he ate a chocolate mother put aside for a cousin and said I ate it and I got scolded in front of all the guests even though I kept crying and screaming that I didn't eat it)

What am I saying? I wasn't here to say this crap. I was talking about my brother's immaturity. What do you guys have to say about all this? Do you have anyone whom you are scared of their future life? I have nothing more to say.