I don't think i'll ever get over her

To clarify I am F18 and she is too

I met her in elementary, we dated in middle school for a year or two. But that was all juvenile, I fell in love with her in high school. I loved her for her, not the way she made me feel, but because of who she was. She was creative and extroverted but had so much depth. She was closed off but there was always a mutual understanding between us, words that never needed to be said. But she began to be so terrible to me, breaking me down and constantly hurting me. At this point we were just friends, best friends, but I never stopped loving her. I stopped being friends with her, then started being friends with her again. Her and I acted as if we were dating; I practically lived at her house. It was always me waiting for her to be ready to date me, she said she liked me but wasn't prepared for a relationship. It was push pull until I got fed up with the mistreatment and her leading me on. Sometimes I yearn to go back, to be led on because at least I got to be with her even just as friends. But its not good for me. I miss her everyday, I can't hate her for what she did to me and what she made me seem to be. I just want her. It's been two years ish since we have truly spoken. I still can't breathe when she is near, like I want to shrivel up and die. I freeze up without thoughts.

I saw a picture of her on instagram, she was hiking and brought a blanket that I had left at her house. I know it means nothing, but I wish it did. She's got a boyfriend now and I try to avoid her. I just can't get over her. Nobody understands the way I feel towards her, they just see that she was terrible for me and leave it at that. They didn't get to see who she really was, who she was when it was just her and I.

I know it is stupidly teenage love, but I can't get over her.