Help a brother out

805 days ago I quit drinking. It was not nearly as challenging as I expected it, however those first 2 weeks I was basically in panic mode. What really helped is at that point in my drinking career, I started associating alcohol with hangovers and feeling like genuine trash.

Maybe I downplay how easy it was to quit drinking because around 700 days ago I also lost my startup.. well.. not quite.. 700 days ago we began the process of shutting down which took around a year. 700 days ago I also said "fuck it" and bought a pack of cigarettes. That pack turned into 2, into 5... yep. Replaced one addiction with another. After about a month of chain smoking I realized I could not keep up with this so I'll probably try out zonnics (canadian zyns). 700 days later im here. It took me 1 cigarette to get addicted. It took me 1 pouch to get totally 100% hooked.

I really enjoy zonnics, thats the problem. I associate it with having feeling good but at the same time I see the gum recession, I hear my fiancee complaining about finding pouches everywhere. I feel and understand the problem I have driven like a maniac into. I have been trying to quit but when I run out of zonnics I get this craving thats akin to being thirsty and dehydrated.

I have had *some* luck (maybe the wrong word) with lozenges and gum to cut down. But after a week of cutting down I do what I do best, buy those damn lip pillows and crush that tin like my life depends on it. It's gotten to the point where im a regular at the pharmacy, the pharmacist even leaves notes with his phone number asking to call if I need help quitting.

I feel so ashamed knowing that in my 30s, despite knowing all the negative health affects, I still chose to buy that pack of smokes and I chose to KEEP the nicotine train going by getting zonnics.

What the fuck do I do?