I hate having a premature baby

Hate is a strong word but at this moment I don't know what to say. I love my baby boy. More than life itself. I think I'll actually kill for him. He's such a bright light in my life. I love his smile, his giggles, his everything. He's now 5 months old and the way he eats his hands is at the moment my favourite thing to watch.

But I hate the fact that I had to get an emergency c-section a month and 4 days before his actual due date. I hate that he's behind in all of his milestones. I hate that we were told to ot feed him solids until 7 months because then he'll actually technically be 6. I hate that his niece that was born the same month as him but on her due date is so much more ahead of him in her milestones. I hate this.

And I know babies will get there when they get there. But honestly I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to show my parents that I'm a good mom, because apparently I'm not and I know nothing. So him being behind, feels like I'm a bad mom. Feels like I'm not doing enough. My parents are judging me and my friends are questioning me of I'm doing all the excersises I should with him.

I hate that no one listens too me when I tell them no he's a premi he shouldn't be doing that and just judges me. I just hate everything about this.

I sometimes wish I could take my child and live on a farm far away from everything and everyone. That it could just be us and the chickens and the whatever we have on our little farm. Where no one judges me for him not reaching a milestone and for me not to feel so terrible about myself constantly.

Let me just say this again. I LOVE my son. With everything that I am. I've never loved anyone or anything this much. I just hate the situation.