Feeling pretty low

I’m currently 21 weeks along (second pregnancy), my youngest just turned 1.

It’s been a really rough year, my first pregnancy was really difficult, I was in and out of hospital a lot with sickness, fainting, I had GD and hyperthyroidism, baby was FGR. He’s so wonderful and flourishing now, he’s actually big for his age.

My relationship was always difficult with pregnancy and parenthood, the father has always had a problem with alcohol and weed and anger and consistently refused to go to the hospital with me the first time around. After the baby was born, he was largely uninterested and left all of the responsibility to me, including financially.

We have a social worker involved now after a particularly nasty DV incident, and it’s been difficult trying to keep the contact fair and friendly.

I’ve spent so long on high alert and trying to facilitate positive contact between my son and his dad that my own health has kind of gone to the wayside - I’m feeling totally overwhelmed as the only adult responsible for raising my son, and I feel completely isolated. I have no remnant of my own life left and the only other person in my life constantly reminds me how repulsive he finds me. Some days I just don’t want to wake up.

At my last hospital checkup they confirmed that my thyroid is acting up again, which combined with the environmental stressors leaves me feeling totally wiped out at all times. I’m just so lonely man