Is my mother emotionally unavailable?

I (19F) and my mother (45F) had always a really good relationship, sometimes people thought we were sisters.

But when I was 14 my parents divorced, and at that I wasn't that close with my father (he worked a lot). After that my mother disappeared for like 2 months, when I went to High school so it was really hard for me.

So she came back and we argued a lot bc she disappeared and said she's been renovating a house with a guy I knew ( I hated him ) like 1h from my city and she demanded to choose between her or my father and if I didn't choose her she will disappear and kill herself. So I choose her despite that, I didn't want to move to a new city and start again High school but I didn't have a choice. After that it was the worse 6 months of my life living with this man (who cheated on my mother and kicked him out after 6 months).

Anyways, with my mother we constantly argue and always threaten to kill herself. Even though I never initiate the arguing I had always to say sorry bc I was scared she will do something or she throws bags and says "go back to your fathers house if your more happy there". It was like that for 3 years and then when I was 18yo, everything we argue I went to sleep didn't say anything and everything went back to normal.

Fast forward last week. It was mother's day and I did everything super nice for her, brought gifts, did breakfast. Nighttime arrives, and she was drinking as usual, and she asked me to help her with something in Facebook to put photos, so I help her but not fully bc I never use it. Then suddenly she throws her phone on the table and starts arguing with me bc I didn't help her. So I went to sleep, but this time she came back 4 times in my room just to argue even more, and throwing yhe stuff I gifted her on my bed and money. I am angry now and reply back that it's just bullshit, she should calm down and stop drinking. She is even more pissed, so I decided to pack my things and leave (it was 3am), she sends me threats text about her jumping off the building. I went back, and I had to say sorry and she calmed down bc I did 2 panick attacks.

The day after, she was cold (everytime when we argue), but she said goodbye and even texted me normal bc I had exams (really important ones). But then nothing, like always she use the silent treatment with me and it works everytime bc I love her so much and it hurts. She doesn't look at me and talk to me, she avoids me.

I know this isn't the first time but I and getting tired of this and I know she is manipulating me, when I cry in front of her she doesn't do anything, she always compares herself with me like a competition, she minimize my feelings (I tried to talk to her about it but I think she doesn't care). She doesn't want to go to see a therapist, and I know she had trauma but I am not a punching ball. I don't know what did I do wrong but all my life I helped her (financially and physically).

I don't know what to do, I feel everytime we argue It's when I have something important (exams, birthdays). I want to say my feelings but I am scared of what she would do. But I have always to walk on shells with her and I am tired of that, I can't do or say anything wrong.

Sorry for my English and that's really long. But I need advices pls.