I like the idea of sex more than actually having sex, and I’m not sure how to fix it.

I’m a 33 year old guy. Married. As the title says, I like the idea of sex more than actually having sex. I’ll get turned on by my wife and by having sexual thoughts, but then when we have sex I just feel meh. Like, it’s not worth the time/effort.

To be clear - this is a me issue. My wife’s “performance” is 10/10 - she’s an active participant and I have no unfulfilled fantasies or anything like that. Just the physical pleasure I feel during sex is like a 5/10 (as opposed to something like a back massage which I would put at 8/10). I also don’t particularly enjoy receiving handjobs or blowjobs.

Once we finish having sex, I find myself thinking “phew, glad that’s over” instead of “that was awesome - can’t wait to do that again”. I don’t like feeling this way.

I do like pleasing my wife, so I will often use my hands/mouth/toys to get her off and then just decline PIV or receiving anything because meh.

I also don’t really feel a big emotional connection during sex. Instead, I get that through other nonsexual means.

I find myself not initiating often, which I know makes my wife feel unattractive, but I’m not sure what else to do.

I would love to hear from other guys who have experienced similar things and if they found a way to enjoy sex more.

TL;DR: I like the idea of having sex, but once I’m actually doing it, I don’t enjoy it that much, and I’m not sure how to change that.