Fear of NICU/Depression and not bonding with baby.

First of all, I guess i am overthinking but this is my first pregnancy and It was a struggle since day 1. Mentally and emotional I never felt so lonely and alone. Ive never been a motherly type of a person but I really want this baby.

Over the scans last few months, baby's growth percentile is dropping. I mean starting percentile was 28% now its 7th. I cant stop sobbing. I guess my baby is smaller than other babies. But idk i feel like I'm failing her. Im trying to eat well , moving less, more breathing exercise. I just cant stop feeling guilty. Is it my fault she is isnt growing like other babies? Every scan I come home sad.

I have other health issues such as PCOS, Epilepsy, Thyroid, but here I am doing my best. I was even shocked when I got pregnant.

I am scared if something happens, and the baby is taken to NICU and while I wait, i wont feel like bonding with the baby ever. I am so afraid to lose her, and not being able to establish the motherly connection. I wanna be a happy mother for her but every week there will be a day I will sob so much. I am so scared.

I just want to her be with me 24/7, and we can bond but now I am scared.

Everyone is telling me not to worry but I feel like I am very close to get post partum depression if i keep hearing more unpleasant news. The constant fear and anxiety is really ruining me. Idk what to do?