My 9-year-old son just sat out an entire tournament game for the first time — looking for perspective and advice

My son is wrapping up 3rd grade and just finished his first year on a club lacrosse team, after two years in rec. He's been improving steadily and two coaches at his twice-weekly practices have consistently praised his development. They noted they can tell he's been putting in work at home.

He'd been trying to play mid, but it wasn't a great fit. He struggled with the position itself and had a hard time running the full field repeatedly. I kept suggesting he try attack or defense given his range limitations, and about six weeks ago he finally made the switch. He's actually been excited about it, which has been great to see. His stick skills had also struggled a bit in the first half of the year, which isn't surprising in hindsight as roughly three quarters of their winter practices got cancelled due to snow or extreme cold, so there were long stretches without structured reps. He's come a long way since then. He keeps asking for a long-pole, but at 4'5" and still solidifying his fundamentals, I've told him to master the regular stick first. Picking up a long-pole essentially means restarting a whole new learning curve and I'd rather he build a strong foundation before adding that complexity.

This past weekend was the Aloha Tournament in Maryland, the team's first tournament of the year though they've had some local games leading up to it. Since he made the switch to attack or defense, he's been getting playing time. Saturday they played three games, he got between a quarter and half of each, and the team went 2-1 to finish the day in 2nd place. Solid day overall.

Sunday they matched up against the team they'd had a tight, physical game with on Saturday. One of the refs wasn't calling much, which led to a lot of aggression on both sides. It had a bit of a rivalry feel going in. My son stood on the sideline with his stick the entire game. Never stepped on the field once.

He was devastated. In roughly a year and a half of playing, he's had games with limited time, but never zero minutes. My wife and I were caught off guard too, especially given the positive feedback we've been hearing from the coaches.

My plan right now:

• Talk to the coaches, not confrontationally, just to make sure we understand where he actually stands and that we're not misreading the encouragement we've been getting.
• For my son I've told him we were as surprised as he was, that there's no expectation to always play, and that rather than dwelling on it the best move is to put in extra work this summer. He needs to work on speed and agility, stick skills on the move, and defensive awareness. He's the type of kid who does the opposite of what I tell him half the time, so rather than fighting that battle I've been looking at enrolling him in the Parisi Speed School to get him working on his movement with someone other than dad. He took the overall suggestions well although was clearly still bummed about not playing.

My background is almost entirely soccer where I was a consistent starter, so I genuinely never dealt with sitting as a kid. I'm 45 now and honestly pretty removed from youth sports culture. Any perspective from parents who've been through this, or coaches who can shed light on the dynamic, would be really appreciated.