I wasn’t loved as a child. Idk if I have been loved as an adult.

I’m 27 years old. I have always been sad about the abuse. Just now realising that severe neglect is a part of the story too. I’m a twin who got the worst bits of an extremely dysfunctional family. The scapegoat. They never loved me. Never will. Been through a series of sexual abuse as a child. Continued as an adult. I am an adult and when I audit my life, even when I don’t want to believe it, my mother actually hated me. I live with chronic shame and severe mental illness (BD). I don’t think I have ever been loved and it’s all I have ever wanted. I’m sad, angry, numb.

It’s heavy.

The abuse hurts but it’s the neglect that broke me. As a child, I deserved better. As an adult, I don’t know where to go from here.