I feel so lonely, I’m suffocating in my loneliness. I don’t wanna be alone

Can someone understand or relate to me?

Hai hai, I’m 16F and I feel crazy lonely. I have one school friend and a boyfriend but still I feel insanely lonely. I feel like no one can relate or understand me. In school or generally in public I feel so different and distanced from everyone around me.

I would say I’m a pretty ,,normal” girl, of course everyone is special in their own way, but I mean when people see me, I don’t think they instantly assume anything weird about me. Besides that I’m pretty quiet and more to myself. I also have trouble talking to people, I often find it hard to get sentences out right, in front of people I don’t talk often to (like classmates or family members)
Because of that I feel strongly isolated. Even though there are people, around me, I still feel lonely.

Yeah I gotta be honest I got some mental issues, but still I don’t wanna feel so alone. For a long time I thought it was normal, but when I payed more attention to the people around me. I realized, no it isn’t normal that I barely have friends.

It’s so hard to be lonely. After school I feel so empty. Sometimes after I get in my room, I just lay down and wonder; when will it get better. I wish I could talk with someone about this all. I wanna learn from someone and see other views on situations. I wanna experience new things, but I don’t know how.

Actually I just wanna feel again. I wanna feel a reason to come home after school and I want a resonant to go to school. I wanna play video games with someone and talk about everything.

I fear right now, I only look at the clock every few minutes, to see how much time I have to waste until I can finally end this day. But I can’t even sleep, I wake up too early or in the middle of the night. Then I can’t even continue sleeping because I have to overthink everything.
I don’t know why, but often I just feel unloved even tho I am loved. After I hung out with someone I come home, and I wonder if it was even real, or I regret how I acted, even I everything was alright. I seem to always feel bad about something.
At this point I forgot how to feel happiness.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very lucky with my family, my friend and my boyfriend. But still there is a painful kinda loneliness crawling through me, that never seems to fade. But it fades through my days like a cold breeze, running down my back. Over and over again.

lol, thanks for being with me <3