I think I'm being pyschologically punished by God as if I'm in a conspiracy

TW: r*** threats

This is the first time I have said it out loud because I'm worried that people are gonna think I'm crazy. Back in 2021, I had what I considered the 'best year of my life'. Everything was going perfectly, I had wonderful friends and good grades and genuine optimism. I also devoutly prayed to God. It all felt a little too good, that I was womdering if the next year or years after would be terrible to make up for how lucky I was. Something similar to that happened. I wasn't too convinced in the idea of God anymore and I sort of turned my back against in him in the sense I just felt quite unsure.

The next 4 years have gotten progressively terrible after this. I can't explicitly say what I did apart from maybe lose my faith to a certain extent. Afterwards, my father left our family, I lost every good friend I had, my grades were terrible and everything I planned for my life was in shambles. I developed a major anxiety disorder and as much as I try and push past these hurdles, it just got so much worse and think I was in depression. I was always a high achieving student and had at least some people I cared for, but everyone I attracted in my life after the turning point were not good people. I desperately tried to gain friends after losing everyone I cared for because I became so scared to speak to the people I loved and the people I gained were some of the unkindest people I've ever met.

I hate sounding like a pity party but for my life to go down this trajectory made me feel like this was something universe related. How can so many bad things happen at once? I still feel in my head that there's something I need to fix spiritually, and as much as I try and reconnect with God again, its not the same.

Past this, I feel like I have other evidence. It feels like everything is possibly timed against me. For instance, after getting r*** threats from someone online and someone rejecting me, I decide I was not in the headspace for any sort of relationship. Right after I choose to have this mentality, I get partnered up with a person DAYS after who apparently was attracted to me and liked me on a dting app but I had no idea it was then and accidentally rejected them. Exactly my type, funny, clever, kind, athletic and due to my headspace, I completely turned them off. It's also useful to mention that this person is incredibly out of my league and I could have never anticipated that they liked me. This person is ALSO best friends with someone I've had history with since I was a child and haven't spoke to in 7 years. Crazy how coincidences work. To see my dating profile, like it, be partnered up with me, me accidentally rejecting them, being best friends with someone I know very well personally. It felt nuts.

That may be more neutral but I think I'm going crazier every day. I'm taking every single thing as a sign even though I know that's not logical. I've tried therapy, counselling, speaking to people and nothing has worked or my attempts at getting help have been rejected. I feel like some sort of demons must be at work? What is happening?