My [35F] fiance [34M] and I were going to do a small courthouse wedding that's becoming bigger and bigger

We have no interest in a wedding-wedding but were planning to elope somewhere pretty to say our vows and take some pictures after signing the paperwork where we live.

Additional context: I have one sibling and one living parent. These would be my only 3 guests. I am not close with what few living aunts, uncles, and cousins i have. All of my grandparents are dead. I also don't have many super close friends. My fiance's parents are both living and still married. He has 2 half-siblings from one parent's first marriage. One of the half-siblings is very distant and does not talk to the family much. I have never met them or their spouse or child. The other half-sibling is okay. A little loud, sometimes offensive and has a short temper, but funny and nice enough. I have met their spouse twice and have never met their child. Fiance also has one full sibling who has a spouse who would also attend. Fiance has 3 living grandparents. He also has many lifelong very close friends.

Carrying on. The half-siblings weren't initially going to be invited as they are distant both physically and emotionally but fiance invited them without asking me first. (I think this may have been FIL's idea?) The one I've never met has declined and the one I've met is coming with their spouse and young child. Which sets me a little on edge. I don't know the spouse well and I don't really desire to accommodate a toddler. The distance they have to travel also makes it so a quick courthouse to-do is hard to justify so it's turned into a whole weekend thing. Grandparents weren't initially going to be invited, then my fiance invited his grandparents without asking me first. Two will not attend and one may. Similarly, with the grandparent's age and condition, justifying their travel for a quick courthouse day is harder to do. So I feel pressure to balloon the whole event to justify the attendance of people who were not initially going to be asked to travel so far.

The date we chose to go to the courthouse falls on the same date as a local event and we wanted to stay in town and enjoy the festivities and chill after. Future FIL insisted on taking everyone to a fancy dinner that night but that would cut into the festivities and wasn't something we'd originally anticipated so I expressed I wasn't happy about that. That idea was changed to do a lunch the next day. I appreciate this.

Yesterday my fiance dropped a bunch of very unsubtle hints about how one of his best friends is ordained and could marry us. Our state's website with marriage license guidance says the court that handles marriage licenses does not perform wedding ceremonies. The language is a little ambiguous about whether there is someone else within the courthouse who can marry us. My fiance said he wants his friend to travel several states to marry us. It sounds sweet and all but I feel that 1. It is just adding to this thing that was supposed to stay small and 2. I do not have the energy for this particular friend. I don't want it to read like I don't like this friend. I very much do. But he is VERY high energy, VERY loud, EVERYTHING is some joke, and he NEVER tires. His presence changes the whole feeling in the room and while he is extremely likeable and kind and funny, I know how the day will go if he is there and especially if he is given a role in our wedding, however small. For additional context, multiple other friends have denied him plus ones at wedding or roles in their weddings because of his energy. Multiple wives in the friend group have also expressed that his presence cranks everything up to an 11 and they don't have the energy for it. I have the least social energy of any of the spouses in their friend group. But this won't be a big party or anything so fewer people and activities to get him amped up. I *know* he is really hurting to have a bigger role in at least one friend's wedding and he honestly likes my fiance the best and he would value that experience the most. I know my fiance would appreciate it as well. However. It's not the friend's day and I don't feel sure I'm comfortable sacrificing the peace I hoped our no-longer-intimate little courthouse day-turned-weekend would have to accommodate this. What bothers me more is my fiance already drunkenly invited him to do this and was pushing to get me to agree before he admitted he already asked him. He is not subtle at all though and is genuinely not a sneaky person. It was obvious after like the second request he'd already asked him and admitted it right away. I'm not *that* mad about that part but I am upset I am now in the position of either caving because my fiance decided to change our plans again without asking and dealing with the change to avoid the discomfort of uninviting his friend or having to be the one to make the decision to tell him to uninvite his friend. I told him that really bothered me and he said it's a decision we'll make together and he doesn't want that all to be on me and he's sorry he out me in that position and he'll hear me out. But he knows. He knows his friend drains me, as much as I like him. He came and stayed with us for a long weekend last year and I was very ready for him to leave after the first full day. He knows how the other wives have felt. But he loves his friend and feels bad for him. He's been kind of banished or hobbled because his energy is too much for most people but, again, I also don't feel like I need to make that my problem and those aren't my wrongs to rectify or my hurts to heal.

This also makes me feel like now I'll want a friend or friends there. Which I do but also don't. I'd love to hold my friends' hands and get ready together and have their support that day. But this was really meant to be for the signing of some documents and for us to get some nice pictures with our parents in our wedding attire since we're doing our vows elsewhere.

Additional context/admissions. I am aware that since my parent's passing i have become *very* rigid and less compromising. And I am socially a nervous and easily overwhelmed person. I am very sad that my deceased family members cannot attend. I am aware that it is nobody's fault my fiance has more family than I do and I don't want to punish him for it or for wanting them there. I do still hope to keep things small and quiet. I also suspect that the recent losses of my parent, last two grandparents, and a very close friend I'd hoped to share my future wedding day with are also probably affecting me and I'm irrationally wanting to keep this as small as possible to avoid really feeling their absences. I understand that having guests means accommodating them.

How can I navigate my want for my fiance to uninvite his friend from attending our courthouse wedding and from marrying us and my general desire to keep the courthouse wedding small and quiet as originally intended?