My life has spiraled and I’ve lost all hope

I’ve struggled with mental health issues over the last 10 years. When I was 18, I was sexually humiliated by my ex girlfriend and my friend. A few weeks before my girlfriend dumped me, she fucked my best friend. She could have just left it at that but no, she had to crucify me. She sent me videos, pictures, and even asked me to buy her plan-B for someone else’s mistake. I thought my “friends” would have my back in a shitty situation, with someone who I loved now trying to degrade me, my friends made it worse. I wanted to jump in front of a train right then and there on that night in May 2017.

I’ve struggled with the image of myself ever since. I’ve never asked another girl out. I’ve never even tried to make a friend with one assuming they would just turn me away. I don’t even join my friends at the pool or outside somewhere if I know my body will be exposed.

My mother was my emotional support for a few years but the last few years, she has been no help. She doesn’t think before she says things and everything she does now just makes everything else worse.

I have no help. No support. No money for counseling and I’m afraid I am running out of energy to fight these demons. I hate what they did. I hate the way I look at myself. I hate that I don’t see a brighter future.

Please help.