4 years relationship, me 30M found her 30F answered FWB texts, not shutting him down.

So long story short in two parts. I 30M am in an almost 4 years relationship with her 30F. Had our ups and downs but I would say we are very happy, living together by almost two years now.

Last summer, I found one of her old tablets and with her agreement I tried to resuscitate it/clean it up. When using the browser, which was still connected to her main account, I realised the name of a guy kept coming up in the recent history/autofill. Me being a curious guy had a brief search around, I know I was not supposed too, sorry, but having been cheated out of a 7 years relationship previously I just had too. I found out he was a past fwb of her from many years before and that they had no contact since we had been together which is fair, nothing against it, we all have our past. Last they texted they had planned to hook up but then they couldn't met and she met me a month later and the rest is history. All good with that information I asked her who this guy was as I had seen her looking him up and she told me the truth and said she searches him every so often seeing how his acting career is proceeding. I told her fair enough thanks for the honesty but I am not that comfortable about it. Nothing happens of it.

Moving on, last October we went on a road trip, plans to met her family after long. While we stopped at a bar, she is showing me something on her Instagram and I see the name of the guy pop up on the recent searches, to which i double take and confront her asking why are you still looking this guy up? I express that I am not feeling good about it, especially as I am now meeting her parents, and that she should move on and stop looking him up. I say that I need clarity that she is committed to me. We have a brief dispute and conclude that she is sorry about it but I really have no reason to worry about this guy as she doesn't care about him and it was a stupid crush that helped her feeling validated. She then opens up on how she checks most of her exes and flings a coupe times a year to see how they got on in life compared to her but she never has any contact with any of them, which I assume to be true after she shows me her chat. Fair enough, but I strongly express me not being happy with this guy being on her mind.

Now is June, I just came back from a trip and suddenly I see this guy name again on her recent searches. My heart dips but I say nothing. I gain access to her laptop and manage to look through her social media as at that point I am like wtf. I find out he had reached out to her in December of last year and I ensure that it was true as she said that they had not spoken since we had met now almost 4 years ago. The guy asks how she is and that he was such a fakboy, she says well and that she has a boyfriend now. He asks if that means nudes are now off the table, she said yes not slutty anymore. They then keep chatting and he keeps alluding to wishing he had one last go at her and more sexual stuff, reminiscing of her past activities. She jokes about him having had the opportunity before meeting me but not making it and that now she is taken but maybe one day. He then keeps propositioning her and she doesn't shut him down but rather tries to be validated about his interest in her. This guy finishes by saying that her bf (me) probably would not be happy to see this and that they should stop texting wishing her the best with me.

I also find out she had told her group of girl friends about this and how it made her feel good that now he is chasing her and she feels validated he also was interested after all. She then jokes about how it's cool that he could be a backup if things go bad with me.

I honestly died inside and brought it all up to her, many cries and discussions later she assures me she would not have had any actual sex with him and it was just texts. When I ask why she didn't shut him down she answered that she wanted to feel validated knowing that he was know chasing after her when in the past he only used her fro intercourse.

I honestly don't know what to think, I care for her and love her and I believe she does the same, she was very very devastated to know how I felt seeing the messages. I told her she should have shut him down once he went sexual and told me and she regrets not doing it.

I am 100% positive they actually have not met in person since almost 7 years ago and that was the only contact they had for 3+ years.

I don't know how to feel apart made fun of, disrespected and how I have lost my trust but I also understand this was the only lapse she ever had and she did it not do it for sexual reasons but to feel validated/wanted by this guy she had a crush on after he did not reciprocate a long time ago.

WTF do I do, I have been seriously hurt gone bad places from a past relationship which ended with another girl cutting ties with me out of the blue after 7 years as she wanted to cheat on me wanted a new life. I do feel committed to my current partner I speak about above and we do discuss future life together, family and houses. We both see a future together but this behavior of hers really left me mentally bad and I almost felt like breaking up with her last night.

Well advice? She honestly is sorry and regrets entertaining this guy texts.

I blurted this out in my state, so might edit details but yeah wtf.