Be a working student, scholar, or take a gap year?

I am an incoming college student, and naguguluhan ako on what to do.

I tried to apply sa local university here sa province for college pero nagloloko talaga yung website nila sa lahat ng devices ko (general and extended admission) kaya hindi ako nakapag-apply. This uni is the only one here sa province kaya ito talaga 'yung kilala ng family ko. But 'yun nga, hindi ako nakapag-apply. Tbh, I know that I didn't try enough—I could've tried sa device ng friends ko, since less error naman sa kanila yung website.

That univ is also not my first choice since want ko talaga mag-aral sa big universities. I applied to UP and PUP before the application period for that uni started. So, settled na talaga sa isip ko na I'll go big.

May other uni pa na pwede ko pasukan pero during the application period, sinabi sa'kin ng mom ko na wala siya no'ng isang requirement kaya I didn't push through. After the application period, nalaman ko na pwede naman pala makakuha ng requirement na 'yon, we just don't have it on hand. Because of this I also brushed off this uni.

When I took the UPCAT, I was still grieving the death of my dad who passed away about a month before pero hindi pa nakakauwi here a Philippines. Sobrang puyat ko that time kasi I clutched reviewing. Then, otw sa exam site, nahilo pa ako sa bus (motion sickness). So, while taking the exam, na-skip ko yung buong filipino part ng language proficiency because akala ko tapos ko na (and bawal daw ilipat sa next part ng exam). No'ng nalaman ko, bawal na balikan 'yung part na 'yon. At that point, tanggap ko na that I have to let go of UP, and the results confirmed that.

I was hoping for PUP because I thought I did well on the exam, but again, hindi ako pumasa.

I also applied for NU Clark, and I took the scholarship exam. They posted na the results have been out, pero I didn't receive anything (they won't send rejection letters). I've been seeing very few posts na may tumawag sa kanila, but no email yet. At this point, I'm not even hoping for a scholarship from them anymore.

Because of that, I took the FEUCAT a few days ago. I already received the results, and I passed. The thing is, I can't go to FEU without a scholarship. I've been seeing that it takes almost a month to receive the scholarship email. Although I can wait for that, my options now are NU Clark and FEU, and hanggang June 15 na lang enrollment ng NUC.

Long post, but my point here is I don't know what to do anymore. PUP will release waitlisted results sa June 13, but even if I'm waitlisted, I can't hang on a thread that can barely support me. My only options are:

1. Enroll in NU Clark for a year and transfer to a different school after.

2. (If I pass FEU scholarship) Enroll in NU Clark for the meantime, then waive my enrollment to enroll to FEU.

3. Gap year to work.

My mom has been bugging me about NU Clark scholarship results, but I don't have the courage to tell her na I didn't pass. Alam ko na pagsasabihan lang ako na I didn't try sa only uni here sa province. I didn't even tell anyone from my fam that I took the FEUCAT kasi ayaw ko na na ma-disappoint sila. I don't plan to tell them unless pumasa ako sa scholarship for FEU. This is hard for me kasi hindi naman kami communicative dito sa bahay.

If I choose number 1, mahihirapan kami sa gastos for a year. Although plan ko naman na maging working student. If I choose option 2, we'll spend less, pero I know that being a scholar is hard, especially since I've been seeing na 100% tuition discount is not always guaranteed. The only option that seems realistic right now is mag gap year hahaha.

And just for background knowledge, I have always been an academic achiever from garde school to senior high school. This have been stressing me out for months, and it feels good kahit mag type lang.

If you've reached this, thank you so much for reading this. I have friends, but ayaw ko naman dumagdag pa sa mga iniisip nila. I will really appreciate it if you give any words for me—whether hopeful or realty check pa yan. Thank you, really.