I think I was just a convenient friend and it hurts more than I expected

I don’t really know how to start this, I just feel heavy and I need to let it out. I’m crying while typing this.

I had a work friend I genuinely cared about. I’m the type of person who shows love through actions—buying food, inviting people out, checking in, being present. I don’t do it expecting anything big back… I just like making people feel cared for.

I thought we were close….

But slowly, I started noticing a pattern that’s been quietly hurting me.

Every time I would invite her out, she’d say she’s busy or trying to save money. I always understood that and never pushed it. But then I’d see her going out with other coworkers instead.

There were moments I really wanted us to just hang out one-on-one, especially when I needed someone to talk to. But those plans would either get cancelled or turn into group hangouts where I ended up feeling like I didn’t belong.

The part that hurts the most is I was always there for her when she felt left out or sad. I listened. I comforted her. I showed up.

But when it was my turn to be chosen, it never felt the same.

At one point, I opened up to her and told her I sometimes feel like I’m not really being chosen the same way I choose her. She acknowledged it and apologized. I appreciated that. After that, I chose to respect her and didn’t bring it up again. I just continued acting normal because I didn’t want things to be awkward or heavy between us.

Recently, I saw her out again with other coworkers, and I don’t know why, but it broke something in me. It felt like a realization I didn’t want to accept—that maybe I’m only the friend people come to when it’s convenient, or when they need someone to lean on.

Now she messaged me saying “sana okay pa tayo,” but I honestly don’t know how to respond. I’m still hurt. And more than anything, I just feel tired of feeling like I care more than I’m cared for.

I don’t even want drama. I just wish I mattered the same way I made others feel they mattered.

Has anyone experienced something like this before? What did you do?