At the end of the rope, any advice appreciated!

I’ve never posted here before, but my emotions and resolve are shredded and I really could use a kind word or advice.

I have an almost 17 year old special needs daughter and my almost 80 year old dad who live with my husband and I, plus three cats that I rescued. Problem being that my husband is incredibly abusive, manipulative, and scary. My daughter is suffering, I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve been so beat down and called names, he manipulates everything, gaslights me and threatens me financially, physically, emotionally, verbally, etc.

I have a lot of health issues including POTS, gastroparesis, Ehler-Danlos, ADHD, bi-polar, depression, anxiety, and a bunch more. I’ve had 6 knee reconstructions (plus another 7 major surgeries and about 100 minor ones/procedures) pass out easily and am completely bed bound some days. It make it really hard to work a traditional job, plus my husband won’t let me. My dad has cancer, my daughter is autistic along with some other things, so my plate is very full. My husband lost his job a month ago and hasn’t found a new one yet. He is not motivated to improve his life at all. Anyway, I took out two loans (3,000 and 2,500) in my name only so I could pay the rent and keep the utilities on. One of the loans is manageable, but the other is high interest and due every two weeks. I get food stamps and I save and budget every penny.

Our landlord is not at all flexible, nor is it her job to be, so five days after the rent is due, she starts eviction proceedings. Which means that I have 2.5 weeks to come up with almost 3,000. I’m so stressed that my body is shutting down. I know that if I get much worse, I’ll end up back in the hospital for a couple of weeks and if that happens, there will be no one to take care of my dad and my daughter, so i have to find a way to calm my mind, settle my stomach and get some nutrients in me. Last hospital stay was 18 days.

Anyway, I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone. Having a narcissist as a husband is not helping. He doesn’t care if my blood pressure or heart rate are dangerously high, he doesn’t care if my joints are dis-locating, he doesn’t care how many times I pass out, I’m still expected to take care of absolutely everything. He tries to make me feel like I’m crazy, he accuses me of “faking” despite having ten different specialists tell him otherwise.

I could fill a book with the insane things he has done, but I know y’all can easily imagine some of it. One example: I take medicaid transport to my doctor’s appointments and I let my husband know when I get in the car, when I get to them doctor’s office, when they call me from the waiting room, when the doc comes in, when I’m done, when I’m checking out, and when I get back in the car to come home. Yet, he still accuses me of having an affair, meeting up with people, cheating with the driver, and even disbelieves when I’ve had injections. I show him the paperwork from the doctor, I show him the text messages from doctors confirming the appointment, I show him the band-aid with blood on it overtop the injection sites, I show him the small holes/scabs from the needles and he still won’t believe me. I’ve cancelled so many important appointments because I can’t handle how he acts.

wow, it felt really carthatic just getting that little bit put into words. So, back to my main point. I’ve got maxed out credit cards and loans only in my name because he isn’t working and doesn't care if we get evicted because he’ll just go his on way. I desperately need ideas and help to keep from living on the streets and losing everything I have. At this point, I’d probably do just about anything! If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to my desperation. And advice, resources or job ideas would be greatly appreciated!

I think I’m going to start writing more, I’d felt so alone for so long, completely isolated, so even getting out this little bit makes me feel good ❤️