Finally done

I have crashed into my rock bottom, the people a care about most will leave if i don’t stop. I can’t have another drink it’s going to kill me, it almost did. I’m committed today but I want to stay committed for the rest of my life. I’m overwhelmed with finding my program or system to consistently work on my sobriety. I’m 4 days in, I’ve done a month before, I’m not confident that my feelings of commitment to my sobriety will last. So I’m trying everything, I did a virtual AA meeting, I’m listening to the sober powered podcast, I’m reading Alan carr’s easyway, I’m going to call Kaiser about a drug and alcohol counselor, I need a couples counselor to help fix my relationship with my wife. Where do I put my focus? How to I make this change stick? What’s first you know? I’ve been an alcoholic for 18 years, I don’t know who I am without it. My anxiety and depression and self worth I’m sure are all tied to my addiction and I’m scared of siding backwards and losing everything. Thanks for reading I just needed somewhere to unload these feelings.