Iam just tired of everything

22M here

The girl I like doesn't like me back and I have wasted so many years just being a good guy and saying yes and being kind to her

I kept giving everything I had but I recieved nothing from the other side

It's so freaking depressing idc why I still cry for this I still want her desperately but I know if I reveal my real feelings to her our friendship will affect

This is one part the other one is

From the start of this year Iam suffering from severe health issues back to back one gets treated other comes back

In jan I broke my acl and had a surgery

In April I had a circumcision done because I had severe balanoposthisis and it was suggested to me that I should get operated

I got an inguinal hernia surgery a couple of weeks back

I have been diagnosed a small polyp in my gall bladder which if it grows big I have to get another surgery for that

Just feels like life is testing me in ways I would have never imagined

I was a really happy go lucky kid I never experienced sadness like this ever in my life I don't even want anything bad to happen to anyone but feels like my luck is rotten and iam the victim to all that

Iam a very big people's pleaser

I was never attractive to look at so naturally I had to be nice and funny in order to get attention from people

Iam short and very skinny and ugly noone has really complemented me on my looks in the whole 24 years of my life and it's fine because I get it that Iam ugly

Girls never talked to me I had 0 game because first I was ugly not built and severely low on confidence

I have just loved this one girl right from the start who I mentioned above noone else

I don't have generational wealth and belong to a middle class family

My house is filled with too many people so I have almost 0 privacy

My father is an asshole extremely unlikeable and rude

I only talk to my mother she is a sweetheart and the only one I cherish in my life I hate my grandparents because they are unorthodox and strict towards how I live my life

I don't have many friends irl but Iam a complete loser

I almost have 0 will to live if Iam being honest

Death honestly feels better than living like this but again as I said I love my mom and I can't see her sad if I decided to quit literally the only thing which is keeping me alive

Because of my health problems I lost my job and Iam unemployed currently

I open instagram and see people getting married and going on trips and I absolutely freaking despise them ik they are happy in their life but I don't like it

Iam so tired of all this shi man

I have noone to vent so I found reddit

Iam directionaless depressed and a sheer loser and Iam honestly tired of life