uncertain about my parents

hey guys (i’m 19F) . I just got back from school after having a careers talking with some of my school teachers as i want to pivot into science.

To be clear ive already made a plan of how to go about it but this meeting was more so for my mum to understand why i wanted to shift into another area and that i’ve just lost interest in my course. I had to go with my mum , and the entire meeting consisted of me staring at my hands and then towards the end i started crying which after that i just went mute.

It was pretty awkward and daunting for me, i tried my best to explain why i wanted to shift into a different field, but umm it was just rough. The other teachers were there to help me but with my mum there it mainly just felt like she was doing all the talking and i was just sitting there.

I did try and speak up for myself but it was just really overwhelming to be honest as well as 3 other adults being there and questions being thrown at me that i’m not able to answer properly. it was a big mess for me.

Though i think what hurt the most was that these teachers have no clue what my parents have put me through so it’s just hard to say anything.

For context i went through a lot of emotional abuse and physical abuse when i was younger i almost never spoke and would cry everytime someone asked me a question. From about 8-18 years old i’ve suffered through extreme depression and a bunch of physical and mental health problems. My mum refused to get me medical aid at the time insisting that i was just being dramatic and nothing was wrong with me, she’d yell at me for not being able to attend school and other times just sending me to school sick. I failed my exams due to this and had to spend 3 extra years (now meaning nothing) to compensate.

I really like learning and i value education, but my parents just never helped me at all. Even writing this i feel a bit biased , i don’t want to discredit that my mum works a lot and does what she can but its just hard knowing that it’s something that could’ve been prevented but she outright refused to take my health seriously even after the school had advised her to help me seek medical attention. They’ve literally messed up my entire academic life and when i want to take control now , they keep pushing back. I’m just defeated.

She also refused to believe i had any kind of sickness , depression. etc etc im now being screened for adhd and autism. Its rough. She still sometimes doesn’t give me privacy during medical calls and gets mad at me for going to seek medical help. My dad is also the same, he came with me to the GP after they prescribed me antidepressants and then proceeded to make the practitioner uncomfortable to the point she started crying and had to leave the room. It’s all a mess. They say they way the best for me but yell at me all the time , make me uncomfortable and just refuse to take my medical health seriously.

I’m feeling very shallow and hopeless right now. I’ve been on and off crying and i need some advice or comfort. Do ask questions i’m aware that there may be a lot of gaps, i’m very spaced out currently i apologise.